if i can't take it in, i'm gonna pour it out.
05 April 2011
i thought the next time i blog, it would be happy updates on my life... my OBS camp and etc..
was thinking tmr is the last day of work and i can't type a long post then.
but i srsly can't stand it anymore.
all the CCA stuffs are getting into me.
what bullshit that being P is not much pressure and that i have other committee members to fall back on when i'm occupied/busy. how to fall back on when some don't attend meetings, some don't check emails, some don't take the initiative to help/suggest, some just simply doing things as a chore. i mean, i'm not saying i'm damn good, i feel/do that sometimes too. but? at least I TRIED and I CARE.
and what's with advisors?
saying their busy blahblahblah SO ARE WE. and stop fucking criticise when you don't give CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS. stop thinking from your point of view. so what if you are superior. HAVE SOME EMPATHY MDM.
i got ENOUGH. every day cca stuffs it's on my mind. when i'm tired BEYOND WORDS after work and eyes are abt to close, i still think about 'how ah.. got this haven't do, that haven't submit, don't know how meetup went... blahblah'
and i'm starting to feel UNJUSTIFIED whenever i think about whether others care.
i know some did their part, i know some do care.
but what i'm feeling, it's a COLLATION of their uncertainties.
all come to me, i'm supposed to have answers, i'm supposed to have time to do everything. but I DON'T. and i'm supposed to substitute anyone who are busy and i'm supposed to remind everyone to do their stuffs. BUT HEY, THAT'S NOT MY JOB. i mean I DONT MIND, I UNDERSTAND. but i really CAN'T COPE.
I DONT WANNA GRUMBLE, COMPLAIN OR WHAT. BUT I.AM.SO.TIRED.
so shagged.
so worried.
so stressed.
so fed up.
and there's no one to share them.
ps: ignore the rant. sorry for the angry words.
avel
